mashatupitsyn:

In her song Cloudbusting Kate Bush sings:

“I know that something good is going to happen
I don’t when
But just saying it could even make it happen”

This belief used to be at the heart of everything for me. N and I talked about this last night on the phone. He said he could tell all these things were going to happen for me, to me. He said there were all these signs. He could see them, and they were for me, he said. I used to see the signs too, and follow them. I still see the signs, and I still follow them, but they don’t lead anywhere or amount to anything. Anywhere new or different or destinal. They’re just there, unmagical in their magic. Or magic in their unmagicness. I’ve always said that Love Dog was an incantation. A love spell I cast for myself and others. Fortunata. Vision quest.


When. When. How intensely I used to listen to this song, feeling like the storm in my heart could conjure the rain she was singing about, and someone to stand in the rain with. The right person. I love the rain. I don’t believe in that kind of magic the way I used to, but I haven’t stopped casting the spells.