The third chapter of bell hooks' All About Love is about honesty. True honesty, the kind of honesty in which we reveal the truths of ourselves to each other–a radical act in a culture that often not only tolerates but encourages deception of others and of the self.
The chapter starts with these words by John Welwood:
When we reveal ourselves to our partner and find that this brings healing rather than harm, we make an important discovery–that intimate relationships can provide a sanctuary from the world of facades, a sacred space where we can be ourselves, as we are… This kind of unmasking–speaking our truth, sharing our inner struggles, and revealing our raw edges–is sacred activity, which allows two souls to meet and touch more deeply.
Later, hooks writes:
To know love we have to tell the truth to ourselves and to others. Creating a false self to mask fears and insecurities has become so common that many of us forget who we are and what we feel underneath the pretense. Breaking through this denial is always the first step in uncovering our longing to be honest and clear. Lies and secrets burden us and cause stress. When an individual has always lied, he has no awareness that truth telling can take away this heavy burden. To know this he must let the lies go… . To be loving we willingly hear each other’s truth and, most important, we affirm the value of truth telling. Lies may make people feel better, but they do not help them to know love.
I don’t know if there is any greater truth than this.
I think of those exceptionally rare people who seem so unaffected and true that they disarm me completely. They make it feel impossible for me to establish facades with them even if I wanted to. They make me want to share my truth with them, raw edges and all.
They make me believe in love.
“What I carry in my heart brings us so close or so far apart. Only love can make love."
Notes
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