being seems off
In the premiere of the sixth and final season of The Americans, Philip tries to confront Elizabeth, who is clearly falling apart at the seams.












She can’t let herself hear what he’s saying, so she makes excuses and heads to bed. But the truth is that Elizabeth has always been a little bit “off.” Much better than Philip ever was at enduring the more emotionally taxing and traumatizing aspects of their work, but that refusal to acknowledge the pain came at a cost. It meant she could never fully inhabit herself. Three years ago, in season 3, episode 9, a moment revealed that the idea of living a life that enabled her to be one with herself was so outside of her experience that the very concept left her puzzled.









As I wrote back then,
Being in the flow of things, being in tune, is precisely what the major characters on The Americans, who must devote so much energy to compartmentalizing the hell out of their lives, deceiving themselves and others, can almost never do. Here in the latest episode, we see that Elizabeth seems confused by the very idea of feeling whole, in the moment, in tune.
Sometimes being in tune with ourselves means being in tune with others. But how can we be in tune with others if we can’t even be whole, unified, and honest within ourselves?
So it’s always gotten to Elizabeth, just in a different way than it’s always gotten to Philip. And now, it may finally be too much to bear.
Notes
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