“So what’s wrong with living in the past? It just happens to be the place I saw you last.”
Molly Nilsson, “1995″
God, I fucking love this. I love the song, but I love everything about this video, too. The directness of Nilsson’s gaze. The straightforwardness of her delivery. The honesty of emotion you can see in the curves of her mouth at certain points in the song. The home movies in the background aren’t my home movies, the people in them are strangers to me, and yet they make my heart ache, because they remind me that 1995 was a moment we lived in just as much as this is a moment we now live in.
The sense of a moment in time as a place that we cannot return to. ”It just happens to be the place I saw you last.”
The other night as I was walking up 16th Street on the way to the train that would carry me back to Berkeley, walking past all these bars and wishing I had an excuse to stop in one for a drink and a conversation and a moment in time with a person, I realized that a big part of my tendency to look back on the past is a result of the things that are missing in the present. And I thought that maybe someday my life would be different and that I’d be glad enough to be in the moment I was in that I’d no longer feel compelled to think back on all the empty years that had come before.
“Windows 95 is only a metaphor for what I feel inside
And although I’m older now
There’s still an emptiness that’s never letting go somehow”
Notes
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