no secrets–moments from the americans season 3 finale

The Americans has always been a spy show that makes judicious use of action and violence, letting these elements fuel and illuminate the struggles happening inside and among the characters, rather than using character interaction as a way of propelling us to the next action set piece. But never has the show demonstrated as much restraint as it did in the final episode of the third season, a fantastic episode in which the quiet internal collapses a number of characters are suffering were as suspenseful and fascinating as anything the show has ever done. 

Both Philip and Paige are in crisis as the weight of truths they’re supposed to deny is becoming too much for them to bear. 

Philip goes to an est seminar. It’s not hard to understand what might appeal to him about est. As the Wikipedia page for est states, “Trainers confronted participants one-on-one and challenged them to be themselves rather than to play a role that had been imposed on them by the past.” Philip’s whole life has been a constant juggling of roles, and it’s clear he’s starting to crack. He has this conversation with Sandra, the soon-to-be-divorced wife of his friend, FBI agent Stan.

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(Seeing and being seen, knowing and being known. It’s hard to live without those things.)

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Philip means one thing–his life doesn’t permit him this, no matter how much he might want to come clean and not be burdened by secrets anymore–but Sandra thinks he means something else.

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For Sandra, that kind of openness would be scary, but could also be healing. Philip’s secrets are eating away at him, but admitting them would destroy his life.

His daughter, Paige, is struggling, too, under the weight of secrets and the deception they require. Elizabeth continues to be the one who is least conflicted, most steadfastly committed to the cause and doing whatever the cause requires.

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As played by Matthew Rhys, Philip’s halting, confused attempts to communicate his feelings to Elizabeth made the quiet final moments of The Americans’ third season a different kind of cliffhanger. It seems that nothing will be the same for the Jenningses, but what’s unclear is just how things are going to change.  The way the end of the episode cut between Philip in crisis and Paige in crisis, both of them giving voice to truths they’d struggled to keep buried, left me with a feeling that everything is going to collapse, and what will end up being left is Elizabeth (who rationalizes that everybody lies) on one side of a chasm, and Philip and Paige (who can’t carry on living a life based on lies) on the other.

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The world intrudes, demanding yet again that they must put aside their own wants and needs, and it’s clear where Elizabeth’s priorities lie.

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When I was Paige’s age, I could take it, or thought I could. Everyone lies, I thought. So can I. 

But you can’t feel loving or loved, knowing or known, when so much energy goes into pretending. Or at least I couldn’t. And now that I’m closer to Philip’s age, I can’t take it. The distance that kind of deception requires.

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