“If this list does make you feel uncomfortable, that can be a positive step towards recognizing sexism as a real problem. In order to make change we need to first acknowledge it, and then take responsibility for it so we can actively work to dismantle the parts of gaming culture that perpetuate these imbalances.”

songs of faith and science

"To have faith requires courage, the ability to take a risk, the readiness even to accept pain and disappointment. Whoever insists on safety and security as primary conditions of life cannot have faith; whoever shuts himself off in a system of defense, where distance and possession are his means of security, makes himself a prisoner. To be loved, and to love, need courage, the courage to judge certain values as of ultimate concern—and to take the jump and stake everything on these values.” 

—from The Art of Loving by Erich Fromm

"Everyone I know is lonely
And God’s so far away,
And my heart belongs to no one,
So now sometimes I pray
Please take the space between us
And fill it up some way.
Take the space between us
Fill it up. Fill it up.”

"Whether there is harmony or conflict. joy or sadness, is secondary to the fundamental fact that two people experience themselves from the essence of their existence, that they are one with each other by being one with themselves, rather than by fleeing from themselves." 

—from The Art of Loving

"I am a scientist - I seek to understand me
All of my impurities and evils yet unknown
I am a journalist - I write to you to show you
I am an incurable and nothing else behaves like me”

"Immature love says, ‘I love you because I need you.’ Mature love says, ‘I need you because I love you.’"

—from The Art of Loving

Questions of science, science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart.”

missed connections

(Stills from Kiss Me)


-Syndromes and a Century, 2006

sunday morning, stevie wonder

In The Art of Loving, Fromm writes, “There is hardly any activity, any enterprise, which is started with such tremendous hopes and expectations, and yet, which fails so regularly, as love.” 

I look every day at people walking around San Francisco and often I think, “A lot of these people are lonely. Some of them have nobody to go home to, if they have a home to go home to at all. Sure, they may deserve love, but deserve has nothing to do with it, in the end. There are things we can do, ways we can choose to live, but in the end, there are no guarantees.”

But still, we must hope. I must hope. I must believe in it. Someone said to me recently in an email, “Love is important, no matter what. Whether you ‘get it’ or not. Like, even if I never find it, I will remain true to it. Because it helps me live. It’s a compass.” I believe that it’s worth believing in, no matter what.


"Shattered dreams, worthless years, 
Here am I encased inside a hollow shell, 
Life began, then was done, 
Now I stare into a cold and empty well 

The many sounds that meet our ears 
the sights our eyes behold, 
Will open up our merging hearts, 
And feed our empty souls 

I believe when I fall in love with you it will be forever, 
I believe when I fall in love this time it will be forever 

Without despair we will share, 
And the joys of caring will not be replaced, 
What has been must never end 
And with the strength we have won’t be erased 
When the truths of love are planted firm, 
They won’t be hard to find, 
And the words of love I speak to you 
will echo in your mind 

I believe when I fall in love with you it will be forever. 
I believe when I fall in love this time it will be forever.”

reaching, friday/saturday

Looking for love in a dangerous time

"Don’t the hours grow shorter as the days go by
You never get to stop and open your eyes
One day you’re waiting for the sky to fall
The next you’re dazzled by the beauty of it all
When you’re lovers in a dangerous time

When you’re lovers in a dangerous time
Sometimes you’re made to feel as if your love’s a crime.
But nothing worth having comes without some kind of fight.
Got to kick at the darkness ‘til it bleeds daylight.”

It’s certainly true that nothing worth having comes without some kind of fight, and I sometimes feel like my life’s been one long kick at the darkness, with occasional, increasingly frequent glimpses of daylight.

Sarah Schulman’s novel People in Trouble concerns a love triangle in New York City in the very late 80s or very early 90s: Molly, her older lover Kate, and Kate’s husband, Peter. As each of them tries to figure out what it means to be in this situation, people are dying. AIDS is devastating the gay community, and society takes little notice. Quickly the people whose friends are dying come to understand that they need to make society take notice. 

In her great piece “Ghost World (Like a Bad Dream),” Masha Tupitsyn quotes Kafka as saying that we need books “that affect us like a disaster, that grieve us deeply, like the death of someone we loved more than ourselves, like being banished into forests far from everyone, like a suicide. A book must be the axe for the frozen sea within us.” Schulman’s books have been working on me this way (I previously wrote about her novel Girls, Visions and Everything and about her novel Empathy). Kate in People in Trouble seems to need something like this herself:


I think Kate’s problem is her self-denial, her compartmentalization. At least that was my problem. Kate has a thing with Molly, thinks she loves Molly, but vehemently denies being gay, and can’t see herself letting Molly in completely.


By not “paying that much attention,” by not fully investing in the connection, it’s not just Molly she’s keeping out, but herself.

 Meanwhile, Molly wants closeness, and it was her expressions of longing that most effectively chipped away at the frozen sea within me. The way she feels like a second-class citizen who would choose Kate’s presence if only she could:


the way her relationship with Kate leaves her with nowhere to put her feelings:


and the way she finally finds a connection with someone that makes her realize that she deserves so much more than she’s getting.




Two things my life has taught me: There is a euphoria in taking control of your own life, and nothing worth having comes without some kind of fight.


spooky action at a distance

"When you separate an entwined particle, and you move both parts away from the other, even on opposite ends of the universe, if you alter or affect one, the other will be identically altered or affected."

Adam in Only Lovers Left Alive

alive at night—impressions left by only lovers left alive

Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

When you’ve been in love for a few hundred years, I suppose these words (read by Tilda Swinton’s Eve in Only Lovers Left Alive) carry a deeper truth.

The stark, rusted industrial beauty of Detroit. The way in Tangier, you might happen upon something extraordinary, and it’s better to happen upon it together. 

To huddle close in the back of a taxi cab or to dance to Motown records in a musty, cluttered old house.

How touch can reveal the truth of a thing, or a person.

The impulse to send something out into the world (a song, a book, a play, a video game, a review of a video game, a tweet) just to give yourself a reflection, just to see what gets reflected back at you.

wanting in

“I want out but only because I want in and there is no in with him,” I tell my mother.

“There is no in with anyone anymore. Nobody wants in with anybody.”

“So what am I am going to do?”

“Nothing. You can’t do anything. That is your problem. There is no answer for this. When are you going to learn that there are just some things you will never understand? One day it will just work and you won’t have to do anything other than what you need to do.”

From “No, That Wasn’t Our Happiness" by Masha Tupitsyn

from People in Trouble by Sarah Schulman

I don’t know how anyone could live that way. I want in or out. All or nothing. I want that place where people become real to each other.